---
title: "Why the Brain Turns a Friend's Late Arrival Into an Excuse for a Fight: A Psychotherapist Explains"
description: "Psychotherapist Anna Protasova explained why chronic stress makes the amygdala hypersensitive and turns everyday trifles into excuses for aggression, as well as two skills that help preserve relationships under constant tension."
date: 2026-10-27T08:30:21.662Z
lang: en
url: https://xab.info/en/posts/brain-turns-minor-mistakes-into-conflict
tags: [chronic-stress, mental-health, psychology, emotional-burnout, conflict-management, amygdala]
author: "Inna Kinsheva, Darya Fomina"
publisher: "XAB.info"
---

# Why the Brain Turns a Friend's Late Arrival Into an Excuse for a Fight: A Psychotherapist Explains

![Elderly man and woman arguing emotionally in a bright room at home](https://xab.info/media/2026/10/27/mozg-prevrashchaet-melkie-oshibki-v-povod-dlya-konflikta/mozg-prevrashchaet-melkie-oshibki-v-povod-dlya-konflikta-1.webp)

## Key Points

- Chronic stress makes the amygdala hypersensitive, causing neutral stimuli to be perceived as threats
- Prolonged stress depletes the brain's ability to control impulses and think through words before speaking
- Accumulated aggression that cannot be directed at the source of stress spills out onto those closest to us
- The expert recommends self-mindfulness and compassion for others as the main tools for managing reactions

A colleague makes a minor mistake in a report, and everything inside boils over. A partner leaves the bathroom light on, and it becomes the spark for a conversation that quickly escalates into a fight. A friend being five minutes late triggers a disproportionate spike of irritation. If you are familiar with the feeling of a coiled spring inside, ready to 'snap' at any moment, you are not alone. Anna Protasova, a master of psychology, body-oriented psychotherapist, and sexologist, speaking on the Wave RBC.ua broadcast, explained why chronic stress turns neutral everyday situations into triggers of aggression and how to protect both your nervous system and your relationships with loved ones under these conditions.

### The Amygdala in Hypersensitivity Mode

Our brain has a vital function — to protect us from danger before we are even consciously aware of it. For this, there is the 'fight or flight' stress response, where aggression corresponds to the 'fight' option. Normally, when a threat is short-lived, aggression subsides as soon as we have defended ourselves. However, according to Anna Protasova, if a person remains in a state of stress for long enough, the amygdala — the part of the brain responsible for assessing danger — becomes hypersensitive. It begins to read previously neutral stimuli as threats: a different tone of voice from an interlocutor, an ill-chosen word, a facial expression, or a glance. And it sends a signal: 'attack, we are in danger.'

### Depletion of Impulse Control

Chronic stress, the expert notes, affects more than just the amygdala. It depletes the brain's ability to control impulses and think through words before they are spoken. Add to this sleep deprivation, constant shelling, and the uncertainty of the future, and you get a truly explosive mix. In such a state, the nervous system, in Protasova's analogy, resembles a live wire that 'sparks' at any tension. This is why reactions that previously seemed insignificant are now perceived as unacceptable.

### 'Us' and 'Them': How Stress Changes the Perception of People

The psyche evaluates not only the environment for safety, but the people around it as well. We automatically sort them into 'us' and 'them': we feel safe around our own, while strangers mean a threat. In a safe situation, it is relatively easy for us to tolerate differences in views or habits, and another person does not become 'the other.' But as the sense of danger grows, sensitivity to differences grows with it. Someone who thinks or behaves differently is suddenly perceived as 'alien,' and we react aggressively toward them — even if it is a close loved one.

### Accumulated Aggression and the Overflowing Vessel

Anna Protasova emphasizes that aggression can accumulate and become background when we cannot express it where it arises. We cannot hit the person launching drones at our city, and we cannot yell at economic problems. Therefore, anger gradually builds up inside like water in a vessel. And when this container overflows, the aggression can spill out onto whoever is close at hand — a colleague, partner, or friend. This does not mean that loved ones 'deserve' such treatment; it means they have become the least protected target for discharging accumulated tension.

### Individual Characteristics: From Silence to Explosion

The expert draws attention to the individual character traits of a person. Some people learn from childhood not to show discontent in order 'not to ruin relationships.' Such a person stays silent for a long time, then explodes over trifles and is surprised themselves at where such force came from. The cause of the strong reaction here is precisely the accumulated anger. Conversely, there is another scenario: a person lacks anger management skills and easily gets irritated, expressing aggression in non-constructive ways. In both cases, the key factor is not a 'bad character,' but the duration and intensity of the stress impact.

### What to Do: Mindfulness Toward Yourself and Compassion for Others

We do not always choose when to start getting angry, but we can control our actions. Here, the important thing is not to suppress emotions, but rather to listen to ourselves. 'Right now, each of us can feel like a live wire, and this is often a signal of how difficult things are for us. Therefore, two things become so important: mindfulness toward oneself and compassion for others. The people around us are likely just as exhausted, and often make mistakes, forget things, and run late precisely for this reason. When we remember this, a little more space opens up between us for understanding and patience toward each other,' Anna Protasova summarizes. Thus, realizing that your reaction is not a personality trait, but a symptom of nervous system overload, becomes the first step toward regaining control over your emotional responses.

## Fact-Check & Sources

- [Как оголенный провод: почему мы взрываемся по пустякам на работе и дома и как с этим жить](https://wave.rbc.ua/ukr/wellness/k-ogoleniy-drit-chomu-mi-vibuhaemo-cherez-1792866196.html) - Primary source. Expert commentary by Anna Protasova (master of psychology, body-oriented psychotherapist, sexologist) on the Wave RBC.ua broadcast. All quotes and theses in the article match the source text.

## FAQ

### Why does chronic stress make us more irritable?

According to psychotherapist Anna Protasova, under prolonged stress, the amygdala — the brain's danger assessment center — becomes hypersensitive and begins reading neutral stimuli as threats. At the same time, the brain's ability to control impulses is depleted, causing words and reactions to come out 'unfiltered'.

### Why is aggression directed at loved ones rather than the source of stress?

Aggression accumulates when it cannot be expressed where it originates (e.g., economic problems or military actions). When the 'vessel' overflows, discharge happens toward whoever is nearby and least protected — meaning close loved ones.

### What does the expert recommend for managing emotional reactions?

Anna Protasova advises not suppressing emotions, but listening to oneself. She highlights mindfulness toward one's own state and compassion for others as key tools, understanding that those around us are also exhausted and their mistakes or delays are often linked to the same stress.