--- title: "Psychologist explains why adolescence becomes a trial for mothers: how to maintain closeness" description: "👩‍👧 Why is adolescence a trial for moms? Psychologist Lyubov Rudnitskaya explains how to maintain closeness when the child locks themselves in their room and stops trusting. 🔹 A closed door and \"it's fine\" — this is not the end of the relationship, but a stage of growing up. 🔹 The child distances themselves not because they don't love, but to become independent. 🔹 Mom's anxiety about the future often turns into pressure that pushes them away. How to get through this period and not lose contact with your child — read in the XAB.info material." date: 2026-08-17T12:58:01.000Z lang: en url: https://xab.info/en/posts/psychologist-explains-why-adolescence-becomes-a-trial-for-mothers tags: [psychology, parenting, teenagers, family-relationships, mental-health] publisher: "XAB.info" --- # Psychologist explains why adolescence becomes a trial for mothers: how to maintain closeness ![Mother and daughter lying on the floor, looking at the camera with thoughtful expressions — illustrating the topic of teenage years as a challenge for moms and how to maintain closeness](https://xab.info/media/2026/08/17/psiholog-ob"yasnila-pochemu-podrostkovyj-vozrast-stanovitsya-ispytaniem-dlya-mam/psiholog-ob"yasnila-pochemu-podrostkovyj-vozrast-stanovitsya-ispytaniem-dlya-mam-1.webp) ## 🎯 Key Points - Teenage withdrawal is a normal stage of development, not a sign of poor upbringing. - Parents must endure the child's emotional withdrawal for the sake of their future independence. - Anxiety about the teenager's future often transforms into pressure that causes resistance. - Teenagers' emotional reactions are unstable and do not always reflect their true attitude towards parents. Adolescence often becomes a serious trial not only for the teenager themselves but also for their mother. Sudden changes in behavior, withdrawal, and the desire for independence can cause parents to feel alienated. Exclusively for XAB.info, psychologist and educator Lyubov Rudnitskaya explained why this period is so difficult for parents to endure and how to learn to stay close when the child increasingly strives for independence. ### The "Closed Door" Syndrome: why the child is distancing themselves Not so long ago, the child might have told you about every day, asked for help choosing clothes, and hugged mom just for the sake of it. However, with the onset of adolescence, this picture changes: a closed bedroom door appears, short answers like "it's fine," headphones, and constant phone usage. Parents often feel that they no longer understand what is happening in the life of their own child. The difficulties of this period do not mean that the mother raised the child poorly. On the contrary, this is a natural stage when the relationship system itself changes. One of the most painful changes is that the child stops being open. The teenager begins to separate, developing their own secrets, worries, and opinions that they do not want to discuss. This is normal for development, but for a mother, it can become an emotionally difficult trial, causing a feeling of uselessness. ### The Paradox of Parenting: enduring separation for the sake of independence It is important to understand: the child distances themselves not because they have stopped loving their mother, but because they are learning to be a separate person. This is one of the most difficult paradoxes of parenting: for the child to become independent, parents must endure their emotional withdrawal. Conflicts often arise over domestic issues: "Why do I have to get up right now?", "Why can't I be on the phone all night?", "Why clean the room?". For a mother, this often sounds like a challenge to her authority. A familiar scenario is triggered: mom speaks — the teenager denies — mom raises her voice — the teenager shuts down or explodes. The problem is that behind this conflict often lies the main question: "Do you have the right to decide for me?". The teenager is testing boundaries because they are gradually forming their own "self". ### Anxiety about the future: how not to turn care into pressure Moms of teenagers often live with background anxiety. Adolescence coincides with the period when adults begin to think very intensely about the child's future: studies, university entrance, career, tutors. Mom sees how quickly time passes and may think: "If he does nothing now, what will happen in a few years?". The expert noted that parental anxiety easily turns into pressure. The more the mother talks about the future, the more the teenager may resist. Behind the phrase "You need to study better" often lies another: "I am very afraid for you and want everything to work out for you". However, the teenager only hears the first part, which triggers a defensive reaction. ### Emotional swings and body changes For a mother, such words can be very painful, especially if she has invested a lot in the child. But it is important to remember: the teenager's emotional reaction is not always a final assessment of the relationship. At this age, feelings can be very intense. A child may genuinely be angry at their mom at 6:00 PM, but by 8:00 PM come to the kitchen and quietly ask for tea. This is not necessarily manipulation or a sign of an "unstable character". The teenager is still learning to understand and regulate their emotions. Furthermore, adolescence is a time of very strong physical changes. A mother may not notice how painfully the child experiences them. A teenager may be ashamed of their body, compare themselves to others, or avoid mirrors. The mother's task is not to prove her love in response to every harsh phrase, but to remain an adult capable of withstanding the child's emotions, while maintaining accessibility and readiness to help when it is truly necessary. ## 🔍 Fact-Check Verification - [Psychologist named signs of severe stress in a teenager preparing for exams](https://www.m24.ru/news/21052026/902794) - Подтверждает контекст высокой тревожности и стресса у подростков, упомянутый в статье. - [Psychologist Korzhaeva: The teenager who attacked the school considered himself an outsider among his loved ones](https://life.ru/p/1688029) - Подтверждено по источнику life.ru - [Psychologist explained why parents should not snoop in a teenager's phone](https://www.gazeta.ru/family/news/2025/07/05/26198852.shtml) - Подтверждает тезис о необходимости уважения границ и приватности подростка. - [Psychologist explained whether it is worth letting a teenager celebrate New Year with friends](https://www.gazeta.ru/family/news/2025/12/25/27497935.shtml) - Подтверждает тезис о необходимости уважения границ и приватности подростка. ## ❓ FAQ ### Q: Why does the teenager stop telling their mom about their life? **A:** This is a normal stage of development when the child learns to be a separate person and forms their own "self". ### Q: How to react to harsh words and conflicts with a teenager? **A:** It is important not to take this as a personal attack, but to remember that the teenager is learning to regulate emotions. You need to remain an adult and withstand these emotions. ### Q: Why do teenagers resist the demand to study so strongly? **A:** Often, behind the demands lies parental anxiety about the future, which is perceived by the child as pressure.