When we are in love, we want to believe that our partner will change over time: become more attentive, more responsible, more ready for a serious relationship. However, as psychologist Yulia Krasnikhina emphasizes in an exclusive conversation with Styler, the problem often lies not in temporary difficulties but in stable behavioral patterns that systematically prevent the building of a healthy connection. The expert identified several patterns worth paying attention to at an early stage of the relationship, so as not to spend years waiting for changes that may never happen.
Shifting responsibility as a stable pattern
The first type of behavior Krasnikhina draws attention to is the habit of constantly looking for someone to blame for one's own problems outside of oneself. Such a partner blames circumstances, colleagues, parents, or ex-partners, but is not ready to acknowledge their own share of responsibility. "If a person is not ready to acknowledge their responsibility, it is difficult for them to change and grow in a relationship," the expert explains. According to her, this is not a one-off reaction to stress but a stable strategy that makes joint problem-solving virtually impossible.
Devaluation of feelings: the quiet destruction of trust
The second problematic pattern is the devaluation of another person's emotional experience. Phrases like "You are making it all up," "Don't exaggerate," or "You are too sensitive" sound harmless, but, according to the psychologist, they gradually destroy trust and emotional intimacy. Krasnikhina emphasizes that in a healthy relationship a partner's feelings are not mocked or ignored. If criticism of emotions becomes systematic, it is a signal that the partner is incapable of an empathic response — the foundation of any lasting connection.
Avoiding dialogue and shutting down contact
The third type of behavior, which the psychologist considers critical, is the systematic avoidance of conflicts and conversations about problems. "Difficulties happen in any relationship. But if a partner avoids conversations, refuses to discuss problems, or shuts down contact every time, resolving conflicts becomes almost impossible," Krasnikhina notes. This pattern deprives the couple of the main tool — joint discussion and searching for solutions — turning every difficulty into an accumulating emotional debt.
Willingness to work on oneself: the main criterion
At the same time, the psychologist makes an important caveat: people should not be divided into "good" and "bad." There are behavioral patterns that make building healthy and happy relationships very difficult, but this is not a sentence for a specific person. "And the main question is not whether the partner will change, but whether they are ready to acknowledge the problem and work on themselves," Krasnikhina formulates. According to her, people change not when their partner wants it, but when they themselves see the problem and are ready to take responsibility for change. It is precisely this criterion — awareness and readiness to work — that, in the expert's opinion, is decisive for forecasting the relationship.
