Social media easily creates the illusion that everyone around is mega-successful: climbing the career ladder, working out, reading, traveling, and managing to do it all. Daily immersion in such a feed can generate a sense that something is missing in your own life — as if you aren’t trying hard enough or aren't achieving what you “should.” Anastasia Patenko, a psychologist at the Betobee platform and psycho-educator, spoke exclusively to Wave.RBC.ua about this and how to learn not to blame yourself for other people's pictures.
A Showcase Instead of Life
Through what is seen on social media, a person may feel that they need to try harder, act faster, keep up with something, set new goals, “break glass ceilings,” and constantly improve something. According to the expert, even if everything in life is satisfying and calm, next to other people's achievements, one's own results begin to look insignificant. “The most important point here is to return to reality. If desired, you can similarly select the best events from your life over a certain period, use photographs only from the best angles, and create the impression that everything is also ultra-successful and everything is being accomplished. From this, we can conclude that any person can do this,” the psychologist notes.
An Unfair Comparison
Everyone shows only a fraction of their life and may hide where it was hard, what unpleasant emotions, failed attempts, difficulties, or ordinary days occurred when not much happened at all. But life consists precisely of such days, and a person simply chooses what exactly to display. Therefore, comparing your routine with a few selected moments of someone else's life is not entirely fair.
Self-Development as Coercion
A separate issue is self-development. According to Anastasia Patenko, it should generally be a source of curiosity and pleasure, but lately, it often turns into coercion and demands on oneself. It is no longer enough just to do what you like: you need to do it regularly, track results, and become the “best version of yourself.” And if today you failed to tick the next box, it means the day is lost. “But a person is not obliged and, perhaps, simply cannot be productive and develop every day. After all, there are periods when there is more energy and inspiration to change something, and there are periods when the main task is to survive the current day, maintain the usual rhythm of life, rest, and cope with what is already there. Especially in the conditions in which we currently live. And this does not mean that development has stopped or that time is being wasted,” the expert explains.
How to Stop Blaming Yourself
There is a line between completely disregarding your own desires and goals and constantly trying to reproduce the picture we see from other people, who are likely also just showing their desired showcase. You cannot just magically stop feeling guilty if certain emotions and reactions have already arisen. Therefore, you should first acknowledge that these feelings exist and appeared for a specific reason, and then return to reality. “So, it is definitely normal to want more, set goals, and develop. But at the same time, it is normal to be satisfied with yourself, even if you didn't manage to do anything special today,” the psychologist concludes.
